Multiple Personality Disorder: Easter

WHO DO YOU WANNA LOOK LIKE?????

Waistinches. The little story presented here started with that little word..once upon a time..
I hate how that word sounds by the way "waist inches". I hate even more that I have them..right now..I have extra waist- inches. Maybe not compared to aretha Franklin or Rosie O Donell..compared to them I´m a toothpick..but compared to for eaxample,,Gwen Stefani, well..in comparison to her..on the scaleRosie O Donell-Me-Gwen..then Gwen doesnt exist..she is simply too small and has too little "waist inches". But luckily for Gwen, I don´t compare myself to her..neither to Rosie O Donell..cause If I id compare myself to Rosie, I wouldnt be worrying about the easter-candy-effect, I could eat as much as I wanted without even closing in on Rosie. ANd If I did compare myself to Gwen, well then I would feel so baad about myself I couldnt live with that either..
When I used to be "not lazy", health in a bottlle, 30 minutes joging everey DAY..back in those cheerful glamourous days of "no butter no cheese no milk", when I was under 25, didnt put on whatever I laid eyes on..and so on and so on.. BAck then! I used to picture Gwens sweating face when I was running around in my tights and tees in the forest. "aint no Hollowback girl! I aint no holloback girl", she was screamig in my ear!. M neither! I would say to my self. I aint no f&#*%g Hollowback girl!
Those days of BMI calculating, waist measuring, foodweighing and assscrubbing (cellulite prevention) are over. I am an aging peice of flesh who has been sold at the lowest bid on the Saturdays meatmarket..at around 6 pm..the meat boys are calling: "Hey we have a peice of meat here.." "Oh fuck!" One of the meatboys says..forgot about that! "Oh what the hell..My wife isnt home..Ill bring it and cook it for supper!"
I am that peice of meet..well I had been If Nik hadnt come alog like ..6 years ago while I was still on the displayshelf in the lamb section, you get the point?

So in a desperate attempt to revive myself..I decided "not to eat candy" during Easter. WHo the hell am I kidding? And why the hell NOT eat candy duriing easter? Easter is made of candy, chocolate eggs in pink green and orange, and yellow and blue! Sweet easter! Reason to stuff chocolate in my mouth enough to mak me suffcate!
Often, when highly Important issues like this comes up in my life. I blame the duality which so closley describes my persona. The two minded spirit that resides inside me if you wish.
Now, in eastertimes of candy and food, I thank the easy going, relaxed, no rush, !life is sweet! side. For letting me eat as much candy I need without seeing Gwen Stefanis slowly transforming into the face of Rosie O DOnell. I also thank that side for winning most of the time in everyday life, ofcourse with a risk of being perceived as a lazy slacker. I assure you, thats not a big trade-off considering the consequences if the OTHEr side wins.
I wish those two could get a long a bit better..50/50 ok sisters? To my other side; the demanding, I" am the best", "controlling, pushy, snobby and rude side I have one thing to say: Please don´t show yourself at my NEXt job interview
Happy easter FAtties.
Reminder: Google Hollowback girl