The English

Why are English people that come for vacations to this Island fat and ugly? No really I am not being cruel or prejudice, They are FAT and Ugly. And why are they all so polite. In the 10 second period it takes me to serve their full English breakfast with toast they will have said “ Thank you” at least 5 times all of them!!.
The Thank you comes in different variations tho.
I get : “ Thank you darling” ,“Thank you sweetheart”, “Thank you that looks lovely”, Thank you angel” “Cheers love”, “Cheers» and so on..now combine all the above and that’s how many different thank you that comes out of their polite personalities.
I just have to love them, they are too polite.
Here is a slight description of the polite fat people that I see every day. And since I see them everyday, I can say that this is a true description.

The typical English man, has white skin shifting over to red, depending on how long his holiday has lasted. He has in general about 5 tattoos on his arms legs or on his back. At least one of them is a heart with the name s “Maddie, ”Linda” or “Tammy” underneath. He has shaved head and smokes cigarettes. A pint of lager is for him a suitabl ebevarage to intake at any time of they day, especially at 9 in the morning. He is unhealthily overweight thanks to his love for English breakfast consisting of Bacon, eggs, sausage, beans and tomatoes, which he eats every day. When he speaks, his jaw shivers and at least one visible vein breaks in his face to make it a bit more red that before. He laughs after every second, even at things that are not funny, he thinks most things are funny. He is a happy chap. A family man.

The English woman is usually named “Maddie”, “Linda”, or “Tammy”. She is about 30 kg overweight, keeps her hair in a short 80 fashion haircut and wears E cups. She also likes sausage, beans, eggs, bacon and such but instead of lager (and she is also aware of her figure) she drinks Diet coke. Only after noontime will she have her first drink but with a tad of Lime. Alternatively she will enjoy a “Shandy” for lunch, which is a beer mixed with lemonade (as she calls it..read Sprite). She too, has a t least one tattoo and it is placed on her right breast. Her breasts btw have given under for the laws of gravity and she can’t really be bothered trying to keep them in place with a spandex bra or such. Her children are best raised with lots of love and a cholesterol pumped diet. She likes to laugh at her husbands jokes, when she was young, she used to be ..owell..pretty.

Comments